Why Link (read: you) was a little **** during Breath of the Wild

You’ve played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for hours and hours, but have you ever done any self-reflection? If not, take a moment to think about your actions.

Done? That’s right; you have been a little **** the whole time.

“But why??”, you’re probably asking. Link is the hero of the story right? Sorry to burst any bubbles here, but Link (and therefore you) is not behaving in a very hero-like manner (oh no!).

First and most importantly, there’s Zelda; using all her strength to control Ganon and keep him bound inside Hyrule castle. She’s only been doing that for a hundred years (no big deal) and her powers are wavering; there’s not much time left. Of course, you rushed straight to the castle to help her (this might actually be true; probably followed by instant regret, lol) and used all your valuable time to save her before it was too late.

Right? You didn’t go snowboarding for no particular reason, did you? You didn’t just run through the mountains without any purpose while the princess and Hyrule were on the brink of being lost forever, did you? You didn’t walk into random people’s houses just to smash their pots for five meager rupees that you didn’t actually need, did you? And please, don’t say you’ve spent your valuable time taming a bear and bringing it to a stable just to scare the shit out those poor stable-people…

But I’m guessing not feeling the need to end Zelda’s suffering is not all you’ve been up to. Let’s be honest; did you ever once question what that poor sleeping Hinox had ever done to you before you brutally attacked and killed it? Did it occur to you that those apples laying on those altars are not meant for you to take? What about that cute shimmery bunny that sort of poops out rupees because of sheer fright when you hit it with an arrow (honestly, who shoots cute little innocent bunnies just for a few coins??)

You are a sick individual and now you know it. You’re welcome! Feel free to go back to the selfie-making now (you narcissist)!

(Note: you most likely also tried to kick that Zora of the tower he was stuck on in the beginning of the Zora questline, didn’t you? – I know I tried 🙂 Didn’t work though. Such a pity, it would’ve been hilarious)

(Final note: I know there are people like this guy who finished the game within 42 minutes, so if you’re him all of the above probably doesn’t apply to you and I take my hat off (figuratively) and bow to you. But most likely, you are not him and you are feeling really guilty right now. Shame on you)